Tuesday, March 9, 2010


When J was a baby, he had ear infections. LOTS of ear infections. His ears ached from the age of two months to 12 months, when we finally placed the tubes that offered relief.

Until then, I got to hold him.

Countless nights, I would hold my baby in my arms. I couldn’t take away the pain entirely, but I knew that by holding him close, he gained comfort. Many nights we spent in that old blue recliner. Many of my shirts were stained with the tears of a child.

I wanted so much to take away the pain. But I couldn’t. I could only offer my arms.

I think that is how our Heavenly Father is right now. He can’t take away the pain of losing our dear Clay. But, he can hold us close. Comfort us. And even though the pain still exists, there is comfort in the arms of a loving Heavenly Father.

I want to send a big thank you to all of those who have remembered our family – and especially Clay’s family – in their prayers this week. I know I have felt the love and sustaining strength from those prayers. And while part of me feels like someone scooped out a part of my heart with an ice cream scoop, the rest of me is healing.

Slowly. But healing.

I pray that the rest of the family can find peace as well.

Here is a video tribute my friend made of Clay. I have watched over and over… longing to tell that goofy kid how much I adored him. It helps me grieve and heal. Thank you, Sharla.

I hope you enjoy the video.

BTW, the middle song is a recording of Clay and his friend Rhett singing together for Clay's missionary farewell sixteen years ago.


Erin said...

Such a beautiful tribute. Luke watched it with me and told me he was crying happy tears because the video made him feel so happy.

sweetvictorya said...

We fasted for yours and others on fast Sunday. Apparently many people lost loved ones last week too. It was a nice viewing.

Kathy @ Real Mom, Real Life said...

Thank you Victorya! We felt everyone's love so profoundly...

And yes, through our extended family, we lost 4 cousins last week. Hard week for the whole family.

Emmy said...

Beautifully said and beautiful tribute. Again so sorry for your loss.

Briana said...

That was so beautiful and touching! Thank you for sharing! We are stilling praying for you!