How I survive

Every so often, I have someone ask me “How do you do it with five kids?” And my answer is always the same, “I don’t know.”

But, honestly, when I think about it. There are ways that I survive. Tricks I have learned to stay (relatively) sane. 

Here is what I do (or don’t do)

* I don’t fold ANYONES underwear. Ever.

* I don’t freak out when I find my teenager frying live crickets in my best frying pan.

* Google Calendar. ‘nuf said.

* Sometimes, I lock myself in my bathroom just to play “Settler’s of Catan” on my phone. 

* If someone brings us cookies and there are 8 on the plate, I eat the extra one so the kids don’t fight about who gets it.

* I take deep breaths when it is cool outside.

* I make sure to clarify dinner instructions. For example, instead of saying “Put the pizza in the oven,” I say, “Take the pizza out of the box, put it in the oven and cook it.”

* I set alarms on my phone to “notify” me a few minutes before carpool, dr. appts, concerts. Then I don’t forget. Unless I want to. Then I hit snooze.

* I let my kids sleep in my bed so they go to sleep sooner.

* I allow myself to cry at Disney movies.

* I read.

* I make faces in the elevator and at ATM’s.  

* When I am having a really good dream, I make a point of finishing it. Even if it is an hour after I wake up.

* If a stranger says or does something that offends me, I use a really stupid voice in my head to pretend I am that person telling me how dumb they are. For example, like when the nice lady on the airplane congratulated me for my pregnancy. (No. I’m not.)

* I paint my toenails.

* I pretend all the parenting books were written by parents with perfect children and I am actually forging a new frontier in parenting real kids.

* I get and give hugs. Lots of hugs. Daily.

I am confident that if you embrace these habits, you too will survive motherhood.