* I don’t fold ANYONES underwear. Ever.
* I don’t freak out when I find my teenager frying live crickets in my best frying pan.
* Google Calendar. ‘nuf said.
* Sometimes, I lock myself in my bathroom just to play “Settler’s of Catan” on my phone.
* If someone brings us cookies and there are 8 on the plate, I eat the extra one so the kids don’t fight about who gets it.
* I take deep breaths when it is cool outside.
* I make sure to clarify dinner instructions. For example, instead of saying “Put the pizza in the oven,” I say, “Take the pizza out of the box, put it in the oven and cook it.”
* I set alarms on my phone to “notify” me a few minutes before carpool, dr. appts, concerts. Then I don’t forget. Unless I want to. Then I hit snooze.
* I let my kids sleep in my bed so they go to sleep sooner.
* I allow myself to cry at Disney movies.
* I read.
* I make faces in the elevator and at ATM’s.
* When I am having a really good dream, I make a point of finishing it. Even if it is an hour after I wake up.
* If a stranger says or does something that offends me, I use a really stupid voice in my head to pretend I am that person telling me how dumb they are. For example, like when the nice lady on the airplane congratulated me for my pregnancy. (No. I’m not.)
* I paint my toenails.
* I pretend all the parenting books were written by parents with perfect children and I am actually forging a new frontier in parenting real kids.
* I get and give hugs. Lots of hugs. Daily.