HEAVY

When I was 17, I had the grand idea to become a lifeguard. It would be a great summer job, I would keep fit and {maybe most importantly}be oh-so-very-cool. I trained hard and was able to pass every test “swimmingly”. That is except for one test.


Treading water for one minute holding a 10 pound brick overhead.

As hard as I trained, as often as I practiced, the stop watch would hit 45 seconds and I would start to go under; slowly sinking against the frantic kicking of my legs. Ten pounds never seemed so heavy. I would stretch my neck and lift my chin, trying desperately to keep my head above water. My legs ached, my arms burned from the weight of the brick (which seemed to get heavier with each passing second) Time after time, between 48 and 52 seconds, I would sink.

It was frustrating to me. It wasn’t as if I wasn’t trying. It wasn’t as if I hadn’t given everything I had. I was always convinced that I could do anything I set my mind to and I had totally set my mind to this. And yet I sunk.

Summer passed and I missed the opportunity to wear that red swimsuit, sunglasses on a whited nose and carry the red float while I blew the whistle at young troublemakers.

I survived. I got over it. But the memory of trying to tread water with a brick over head has forever been etched into the “object-lesson” corners of my mind.

There are so many times I have felt like I am symbolically treading water, doing all I can to stay afloat, and though I am frantically kicking, I am sinking against my will.

This is one of those times. For the whole family.

We knew, when we made the decision to move, that it would be hard. We just didn’t know HOW hard. We didn’t realize the effect that it would have on our very existence as a family. We didn’t realize how rooted we were into our old neighborhood and what a support everyone was. We thought we knew, but we really didn’t.

And my whole family is treading water with a brick over each of our heads.

I have never lived in an area as long as I had my last neighborhood. Eight years. That is longer than ANYWHERE I lived, even as a child. Friends became family – in every sense of the word – and life was comfortable.

The small amount of routine we had has been lost. The comfort of running to a neighbor when we need a shoulder to cry on is gone. The convenience of the kids being able to get themselves everywhere they need to go has changed. Everything is different.

Don’t get me wrong. We love this area (or at least Hubby and I do). We have been greeted with kindness from our new ward. We have had so many blessings here.

It is just different. Everything is different.

The kids are struggling {extremely}to adjust. Maybe because mom and dad are in such a conflicted stated of chaos, they are not adjusting as quickly or as well as we had hoped.

When you mix in the regular trials of life like broken bones, illnesses, long work days for hubby, kids coloring on walls or destroying parts of the home – it makes our virtual brick heavier. It gets us closer to that “52 seconds”, that mark that is just ALMOST – but not quite. That point when we sink.

And it is getting harder and harder to keep my head above water. It is getting more difficult to help my kids keep their heads above water. It is getting hard to help my sweet hubby keep his head above water.

So just what are you supposed to do when the whole family seems to be losing the battle with the brick?

We are trying to do the things we need to as a family. We are trying to do the things we need to as individuals. Hubby and I don’t doubt our decision to move. We still know it was right. But I ask myself every day, what is it that the Lord needs us to learn? How can we get back on our feet and be of service to Him? What is it that I can change?

Things just seem so heavy right now.