Faith vs. Fear

Quite a few years ago, after several years of apartment living, we rented a beautiful home. It had more space than any apartment my young family had ever enjoyed. A large backyard, a warm, open kitchen, a place for everything.

And Scorpions.

I am not talking about one or two scorpions… I mean an INFILTRATION of the vile creatures.

Almost daily we would see these quarter-sized monsters in OUR HOUSE. We would black light around the yard at night and find DOZENS of them. It was enough to drive a person insane.

Then I got stung on my finger. {OUCH}

The numbness traveled up my arm just like Poison Control said it would. Then after a few days began to settle in my finger, just like Poison Control promised. Dutifully, my finger obliged the laws of nature by remaining numb for two months.

Pretty crazy – especially coming from something I can squish with my shoe.

But what Poison Control failed to tell me, or perhaps they had no way of seeing into my dysfunctional psyche, is that every time (that would be EVERYTIME) I saw a scorpion after that, my victimized digit would throb at the sting site. My heart would race. And I would turn into a virtual maniac; stomping, crushing, grinding that thing into the carpet – all this while yelling at the unsuspecting pest why I was more powerful than it was.

Yeah. Pretty bad. You think I am kidding, but I am not.

I seriously went nuts when I saw those things. I felt violated, contaminated, overwhelmed and overcome by just a small little bug.

That’s a lot of emotional responsibility for an arachnid.

The point is {and it could very arguably be that I am a nut case} I was scared. Downright afraid of scorpions. My body would shudder each time I saw one and I would physically become sick. I vowed NEVER to live in a home again with scorpions.

But guess what? We live in the desert. And that is near impossible around here.

I never underestimated the blessing it was to have our lovely home in Mesa WITHOUT a single scorpion.

For a while we considered purchasing a home a few streets over from our Mesa home where, it was well known, there were MANY scorpions. The thought began to feed on the nerves of my Fight/Flight Response so fiercely I seriously felt I was having panic attacks. So, when the house turned out to NOT be the right thing for our family – I was completely OK with it. Renewing my strength of conviction, I vowed again, I would never knowingly purchase a home with Scorpions.

But I did. And I knew it.

Here is the funny thing with Fear. It can not exist at the same time as Faith. It is impossible.
One must give way to another. Where there is Faith, there will be no Fear. And visa versa.

So, what do I do when I feel like the Lord is directing our family to a home, but the neighborhood has scorpions (yes, I actually called MANY strangers in the neighborhood and asked). What do I do when I feel like it is time to leave my comfort zone of Mesa and venture to the Scorpion Territory of Gilbert?

I go.

I have to. I want to.

Now, I sit here tonight, attempting to balance the scales between Fear and Faith. And I am surprised, although I shouldn’t be, to find myself not hysterically scared about the eight-legged demons running around outside. (which thankfully there have been very few so far)

Am I still afraid of them? Sure. Will someone get stung? Maybe. Will I scream as I stomp one into the floor? Probably.

But, the difference is, I know Heavenly Father is looking out for me and my family. Whatever that is. Be it scorpion stings or worse. And I know by following Him, I will be happier than I could ever be otherwise. And that is why I am able to face my fear of scorpions.

(I still keep a black light by my bed though) :-)