Friday, March 6, 2009

My Little T


This last fall something started with T. Sinus infections. And they really haven’t let up. He gets an infection, it clears with an antibiotic and then within a week, it is back. He has been on an antibiotic almost constantly since October. We have tested for allergies, immune deficiencies and sinus polyps. We have done CT scans and Xrays. We have tried natural healing methods along with the doctor ordered treatment methods.


The only inkling we have to T’s consistent sinus infections are slightly enlarged adenoids. So, as a final resort we have decided to have them removed.



Today.


Hubby gave T a priesthood blessing a few weeks ago for his current sinus infection. In it, he said that his mother would know what to do to help him. (no pressure, right?) But I took that seriously and have been looking for answers.


I thought I had the answer and spoke with my pediatrician about the possible treatment. But as I talked, it didn’t feel right. We had already tried a variation of it and it wasn’t likely to help.


I am always second guessing how to care for my children’s health. Should I give them this? Should I take them to the doctor? Do they need to refrain from that? It never seems to be a clear answer for me. I just hope I am doing it right.


I met with a second ENT just under two weeks ago. It took me a while to get in to see him and now I know why. He was terrific!


After talking with him for a few minutes, my mind became increasingly clear. Which in and of itself is a miracle. Heaven knows I can barely put a sentence together sometimes because I am so scattered. But my mind was clear, I thought of questions to ask that I normally wouldn’t have. And my confidence in the surgeon grew with each passing minute. By the time we were ready to leave, I knew this surgeon would take good care of my little boy. The nurse asked me if I needed some time to think about doing the surgery. I didn’t. I knew right then, right there, this needed to be done. The answer was clear. So clear. I can’t describe it any better than that. Just clear.


So at 9:00am MT, my little T will be having an adenoidectomy. And now that I am only a short time away from when I have to turn my little boy over to strangers, I am second guessing.


Where is my faith? It is obvious to me that I had a firm answer. And I know that it is the right step to take. But something about my baby being put under and having something removed from his little body scares me. And makes me doubt.


I know that fear and faith can not exist together. I want to have more faith. But I worry. I want to believe that I am not making a mistake, but I doubt.


So, I do what anyone would do. I go forward. Believing on my first, clear answer. Hoping for the best. And leaving my little boy in God’s hands.

12 comments:

Sharla said...

Ooh! I'm always a nervous wreck whenever my kids go under the knife. Although I would see people go under every day when I worked at the hospital, it's different when it's your own baby. I'm glad you found a great ENT.

Didn't you have a similar procedure a few years ago?

I hope all goes well today. I'll bring some ice cream over later.

Diane said...

Bless your heart, it just says to me that you're human and that you love that precious little blessing more than your own life. I'll be remembering both he and you in my prayers today. May the Lord guide the hands of the servant He has sent to care for your child. Blessings.........

Diane

heather said...

Thank you for posting this. Its something I needed today.

T and T Brunson said...

I know exactly what you are going through. I had the same feelings when my oldest was 4 months old and had her first of 14 laser surgeries on the birthmark on her face! Hang onto the feeling you had first and then hold on to Tim.

Jill said...

I hope all goes well today. It's so scary when your children are sick, or when you have to entrust their care and safety to someone else. I'll keep you and your family in my prayers today.

Fiauna said...

I hope it goes well today. I you did the right thing. I can't tell you how much money I would have wasted on my daughter if I didn't follow my gut in her treatment. Let the spirit guide your choices.

That Girl in Brazil said...

Sooooooo glad I'm not the only one.

1. That I constantly worry if I'm doing the right thing by my children's health. and

2. Second-guessing the Spirit.

I guess that's why we keep journals (or blogs!) So that we can go back and remember EXACTLY how that prompting felt. Trust yourself. And like you said, trust in Him.

Bee and Rose said...

Ok...I have experience with this very issue:) When my son (now age 12) was little, we went through the same thing! I, too, struggled with the whole surgery idea. Let me just say it was the best thing we could have ever done for our son! He has not had one sinus infection since the surgery! That was 7 years ago! Not one! Enlarged adenoids were wreaking havoc with him. Once they were gone, everything was better!

I just sat down and prayed for peaceful guidance. You are a wonderful mom! I will keep you guys in my prayers!

Heidi said...

Just keep remembering the peace you felt when you made the decision and keep praying for the surgeons to have the same clarity you did. It is hard to put your children in other's hands but if it's Heavenly Father's hands what a better place to be! I hope things go well for you today.

Tink said...

I'm sorry to hear about this! But I truly know how you feel as I have a daughter who has similar problems. She's had 3 sets of tubes, adenoidectomy, and tonsillectomy, and other things. Good luck! I know all will work out, but it is very frustrating!

Boy Mom said...

Prayers headed your way!

queenbee4 said...

So glad things went well! I can certainly empathise with you... it's so hard. My son had his first surgery when he was 6 months old. I could not physically hand him over to the doctors- I made hubby do it.

These are faith promoting experiences for sure.