Thursday, August 7, 2008
How do I tell him?
T is our youngest son. He is six and entering first grade. The year before he started school, he was in preschool everyday for half a day. So we figured he was prepared for kindergarten. Last year, we put him in all day kindergarten as that was the big push for our elementary school. Gradually our little even tempered boy began to have more and more tantrums. He had more trouble going to sleep and became more needy. He seemed to love the mental and social aspect of school but was experiencing such a separation anxiety that I breathed a sigh of relief on the last day of school.
Summer began and T's episodes seem to diminish. The only time I seemed to have a problem was on Sunday mornings trying to get him to church (any of you who know me and my kids, know that we are quite the side show during church :))
The last week, we have been getting ready for school and talking about returning to school. Suddenly, T can't sleep in his own bed anymore. He has adopted a new blankie (like the one he used to have when he was younger) He is talking in a smaller voice and insists he doesn't know how to read. He is asking me "Mommy, will you miss me while I am at school?" "Mommy, do I have to stay there all day?"
Tonight, I tried to help him fall asleep by telling him of angels that watch over him while he is away from mom. Instead of the comfort I had intended to induce, there were tears. If these adorable eyes were looking at you, how would you tell him he has to go back. I can sympathise with those who home school. I have thought of it long enough to realize if I want my kids to have the best education, they will need to go to school.
So as I listen to T's deep breathing while he curls up on my bed, I wish I could hold on to my little baby forever. I wish I could keep him from growing up. I want to savor every little thing he does. When he sleeps, he doesn't look 6, he looks like the little baby we brought home from the hospital so many years ago. How do I tell this little boy wearing dinosaur pajammies, that he has to go to school all day when he would so much rather stay home?
I really think Heavenly Father sent me his best angels to be my children. I love them so much and as crazy as I get with them, I am so grateful for them. Don't get me wrong, I am looking forward to the quiet that the start of school brings. But I know I will miss T and his brothers every day.